Recently, Sky News aired a powerful feature titled ‘The Lost Boys.’ It was difficult to watch — not because it shocked me, but because it confirmed something many of us have quietly known for years.

Too many young men are drifting

They are disconnected from education, unsure of their identity, confused about masculinity and increasingly influenced by voices that offer certainty without wisdom. The feature showed boys who are not bad, not broken — but lost. And when boys are lost, the consequences ripple far beyond them.

In his Richard Dimbleby Lecture last year, Sir Gareth Southgate spoke directly to this crisis. He warned about the vacuum that exists in many young men’s lives — and how, in the absence of grounded role models, more extreme and manipulative voices step in.

He spoke about belief. About resilience. About identity. He spoke about young men searching for meaning. That word — searching — is key. Because when a young man doesn’t know who he is, he will attach himself to someone who appears to know.

If wisdom doesn’t reach him first, something else will.

The Elder Conversation That Changed Me

This issue isn’t abstract to me. Eight years ago, I sat on the sofa of my good friend, author and elder, Trevor Waldock. What started as a conversation became something much deeper. Trevor spoke to me about the role of the elder — not as a title that comes with age, but as a responsibility that comes with awareness.

Later, I read his book “To Plant a Walnut Tree.” The metaphor is simple but profound: you plant a walnut tree knowing you may never sit in its shade. You plant it for those who come after you. That idea awakened something in me.

Up until that point, like many men, I had focused on building, achieving, and providing. Important things, yes. But Trevor challenged me to think beyond success and toward stewardship.

Who am I becoming? Who am I guiding? What am I planting that I may never personally benefit from?

That conversation marked a shift. It stirred what I can only describe as the “elder” in me. And now, watching the Sky News article, I recognise how desperately that elder presence is needed.

The Role Model Gap

Many young men today are growing up without consistent, grounded male guidance. Some fathers are absent. Some are present but overwhelmed. Some were never shown how to model healthy masculinity themselves.

We cannot give what we were never taught. But we can learn. My own teenage years were tough. My parents separated when I was young. I changed schools multiple times. There were many moments of confusion, anger and uncertainty.

I made mistakes. I worked things out slowly. I found my way — but not without cost. I navigated a number of those challenges with the steady and consistent hand of a strong male role model, my stepfather Barry who passed not long after I became a father 25 years ago.

Today’s boys and men face an even more complex world. Social media magnifies comparison. Success is curated. Strength is often confused with dominance. Vulnerability is mocked. Emotion is either suppressed or turned into performance.  Where does a 15-year-old boy learn that:

• Strength and kindness can coexist?
• Discipline matters.
• Emotion is not weakness.
• Anger can be channelled not unleashed
• If elders do not step forward, algorithms and so-called ‘influencers’ will happily step into the space.
• There is a growing narrative that masculinity itself is the issue. I don’t believe that. Healthy masculinity is not toxic. It is steady.

It is protective without being possessive. Strong without being aggressive. Confident without being arrogant. Emotionally aware without being emotionally led.

The problem is not masculinity. The problem is confusion — and the absence of mature men modelling what balanced masculinity looks like. Young men need to see men who can say: “I was wrong,” or “I struggled too,” or “I feel that.” They need to see men who are comfortable with emotion — not controlled by it, not ashamed of it.

Lost Boys Become Lost Men

This is not just a youth issue, of course, and there are lost men everywhere.  Men who have built careers but never built self-awareness. Men who have provided financially but never processed emotionally. Men who have achieved status but not purpose.

Many of us were taught to endure rather than express. In fact, the opposite, to suppress, not to understand. And now we are witnessing the outcome — rising mental health struggles, isolation, fractured relationships. If we want better role models for boys, we must help men become more whole.

Planting Walnut Trees

Trevor’s message has never felt more relevant. An elder plants walnut trees. He invests time in conversations that may not yield immediate results. He mentors without needing recognition. He guides without controlling. He listens without judgement. He understands that influence is quiet, steady and long-term.

The Sky News feature highlighted what happens when boys grow up without guidance. Gareth Southgate highlighted the danger of leaving the space unoccupied. The solution to this is .....presence.

A Personal Commitment

I am deeply passionate about helping young men who struggle without strong role models. But this is bigger than one generation. It is about helping men of all ages understand who they are, discover their purpose and become comfortable with emotion rather than threatened by it.

Because when a man knows who he is :

• He does not fear vulnerability.
• He does not outsource his identity.
• He becomes a stabilising force in his family, his workplace and his community. 

These lost boys are not looking for perfect men. They are looking for present ones. So perhaps the question is not, “What is wrong with this generation?” Perhaps the question is: Where are the elders? Who is planting walnut trees today? This conversation matters. Not next year. Now.

If this resonates with you, I would genuinely value your perspective. What role can we each play in guiding the next generation — and in becoming more grounded men ourselves? The boys are watching.

It may be time for more of us to sit on the sofa, have a deeper conversation, and then step forward.