As women, we are extraordinary mask-wearers, aren’t we? We have spent years perfecting the art of appearing composed, competent and in control, while quietly second-guessing ourselves beneath the surface.
We smile, nod and press on with the “I’m fine” routine even when we’re not. We breeze through meetings with the “Don’t worry, I’ve got this” expression, even while juggling ten priorities in our heads and mentally negotiating the logistics of life — school pick-ups, ageing relatives, team deadlines, the lot. And when you layer motherhood or menopause on top? No wonder so many women feel like they’re disappearing under the weight of it all.
We take on more, push harder, and pretend the overwhelm is manageable, despite knowing one extra task might just tip us over the edge. And underneath it all is that universal whisper, “Any minute now, they’ll realise I don’t actually know what I’m doing.”
In the women I coach, this whisper shows up: a reluctance to apply for a promotion unless every box is ticked, hesitation to raise prices despite years of expertise, or a persistent fear of being found out, even when they’re delivering exceptional results.
Sheryl Sandberg, former COO of Facebook and author of Lean In, admitted that, despite her success, “Every time I didn’t embarrass myself — or even excelled — I believed I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up.”
This theme came up repeatedly at the Future Female Leaders event at the Brighton i360 last month. Liz Beck opened with: “Confidence doesn’t come when you’re ready — take action anyway.” I see this daily. Brilliant, capable women waiting for permission or validation before stepping into roles they’re already more than prepared for.
Why the Mask Exists in the First Place
Most women weren’t raised to lead. We were rewarded for being pleasant, helpful, adaptable, easy. We were encouraged to take up only a ‘reasonable’ amount of space. We learned early that ambition could be misinterpreted, assertiveness judged, and success could make others uncomfortable.
Susannah Atherton, another speaker at the event, spoke about imposter syndrome, especially when you’re the only woman in the room, because when you feel like the exception, it becomes even harder to show up as your unfiltered self.
The Quiet Side Effects Nobody Talks About
The longer we wear the mask, the more it reshapes how we see ourselves. You start to question your judgement, share accomplishments with disclaimers, apologise before offering your opinion, downplay strengths others wish they had, and you overwork. Not because you need to, but because you believe you must prove something that was never in doubt. And then the cruellest twist: the mask becomes so convincing that you begin to believe you aren’t capable.
At the i360 event, Liz Beck reminded us that, “growth is rarely glamorous,” and the collective nodding in the room made one thing clear — even the most extraordinary women feel these moments deeply.
The Good News: It Comes Off
Despite how ingrained it feels, the mask is not permanent. It can be removed, gently, courageously, deliberately — and the world does not collapse when you do. As soon as someone stops performing and starts showing up as themselves, opportunities expand, visibility increases, and confidence becomes accessible rather than aspirational.
Authenticity builds trust. It strengthens teams and cultures. It attracts the right clients. And, most importantly, it rebuilds self-trust, something every woman deserves to feel.
How to Show Up Authentically
Despite how we’ve been conditioned, the women who rise the fastest are not the most polished; they are the most honest.
They say, “I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out,” or “This isn’t working, let’s rework it,” or “This is who I am and I’m finished apologising for it.” And as Sarah Willingham shared at the event, sometimes being underestimated becomes your superpower.
Taking off the mask doesn’t require a dramatic TV-style reveal (although that would be fun!). It starts with small, practical actions: speaking up when your instincts nudge you, telling the truth about your workload, stating your needs clearly, acknowledging your achievements without shrinking them, and rejecting the outdated belief that you must be superhuman to be taken seriously.
The moment a woman stops waiting to feel ready, everything shifts. And sometimes the bravest leadership decision you can make is to change the environment, the expectations, or even the clients you serve if authenticity feels impossible where you are.
You are not an imposter. You are a woman who has been conditioned to doubt herself — and yet you keep showing up, delivering, leading and growing anyway. That is strength. The mask is optional, the power underneath is undeniable, and it’s time for the real you to be seen, and I can’t wait to meet her!
Natalie Montagnani
ignitewomeninbusiness.com
